I don’t know what I was thinking when I sketched this drawing ages ago.

💡What I certainly didn’t think then is that I would use it decades later to illustrate a skill that matters a lot to me in dispute resolution: non-violent language.

What is Santa shouting at the officer in the drawing?

“ᴀʀᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴏᴜᴛ ᴏꜰ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴍɪɴᴅ?”
“ᴡʜᴏ ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴛʜɪɴᴋ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀʀᴇ?”
“ᴀʀᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ꜱᴇʀɪᴏᴜꜱ?”
“ᴅᴏɴ’ᴛ ʏᴏᴜ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴍᴏʀᴇ ɪᴍᴘᴏʀᴛᴀɴᴛ ᴛʜɪɴɢꜱ ᴛᴏ ᴅᴏ?”

Possibly worse.

Will it help?

Already as a trainee lawyer interning with the civil court, I was struck by how often aggressive language appeared in memoranda and pleadings. I assume it was meant to make a strong point or intimidate the other side. But I always found it counterproductive. And still do.

When disputes are decided on facts and legal reasoning, such language distracts from the actual argument and makes the decision-maker’s job harder.

We are often tempted to respond to perceived attacks with sharper words. But in legal proceedings — whether in court or arbitration — I have never found that to be helpful, regardless of whether I was acting as counsel or arbitrator.

This applies even more in mediation. During my training with the wonderful Christian Hartwig, I came to truly appreciate the concept of non-violent communication, developed by the late Marshall B. #Rosenberg. His image of the “wolf” versus the “giraffe” captures it well: accusation versus observation, judgment versus expression of needs and feelings.

It makes communication not only more effective l, but also a lot easier. And kinder.

Happy Sunday, everyone. And a good start to the week ahead.

#DrawingFromThePast #Language #NonViolentCommunication #ConflictResolution #Litigation #Arbitration #Mediation #ADR

𝘈𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘴𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘴: 𝘋𝘳𝘢𝘸𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘗𝘢𝘴𝘵 𝘣𝘶𝘪𝘭𝘥𝘴 𝘰𝘯 𝘭𝘢𝘴𝘵 𝘺𝘦𝘢𝘳’𝘴 #20YearsInPractice 𝘳𝘦𝘧𝘭𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴. 𝘐𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘴𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘴, 𝘐 𝘦𝘹𝘱𝘭𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘷𝘢𝘭𝘶𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘬𝘪𝘭𝘭𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘮𝘢𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘮𝘰𝘴𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘥𝘪𝘴𝘱𝘶𝘵𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘰𝘭𝘶𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 — 𝘢𝘴 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘴𝘦𝘭, 𝘢𝘳𝘣𝘪𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘵𝘰𝘳, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘮𝘦𝘥𝘪𝘢𝘵𝘰𝘳 — 𝘪𝘭𝘭𝘶𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘣𝘺 𝘮𝘺 𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘥𝘳𝘢𝘸𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘺𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘴. 𝘌𝘢𝘤𝘩 𝘴𝘬𝘦𝘵𝘤𝘩 𝘪𝘴 𝘢 𝘴𝘮𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘳𝘦𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳 𝘰𝘧 𝘭𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘰𝘯𝘴 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘯𝘦𝘥 𝘢𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘺. 𝘗𝘦𝘳𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘴 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮 𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘦𝘹𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦.